Friday, November 4, 2011

The Combat Zone: Do You Love Me?

You steady yourself and prepare for impact and the wait has your heart pounding and your eyes wide open. You asked the question and in your mind you have decided that the answer determines the beginning or the end. Do you love me?

Love is a shaky thing. Many claim to have fallen in and out of it often. If it is that easy then why bother with the notion in the first place. Well…as human beings we have the need to justify our feelings and our actions. We don’t want to feel like we are wasting our time and we don’t want to feel silly in the presence of others. If you are investing any kind of efforts into another person you want to know if that other person feels the same. In order to get the real answer you must first understand it’s complexities and believe it or not, that picture is not outlined by the words “I love you.”

People easily fall out of love because they misunderstood what it was to begin with. We don’t really fall in love. Falling suggests that we were unaware. When you trip you don’t know that in advance, if you did you would have sat down not wanting to take the chance in walking. We twisted love into some dolled up mannerisms. Love is not butterflies in your stomach when you see your partner. Love is not wanting to talk to that person for hours on end. It’s not craving their touch or the tickle in your heart when they speak. Those are things associated with infatuation. However, this is where love becomes a possible thought. But if you lose all these things before you get there, you have not fallen out of love you have fallen out of interest and that is why people assume they no longer love each other.

Love is a choice. It is built on more stable things. If you trust the person you are with, then love is possible. If you are stable with each other and by stable I mean you can stand strong even through trials, then love is a possibility. If bad qualities can be overshadowed by the good qualities you see, then love can be a possibility. See, if you are happy with someone and they are providing what a good relationship consists of (communication, respect, and care) then eventually you can decide that this is a person worth the time or efforts because what they are offering is solidity.

You won’t find love in body chills, that’s lust. You won’t find love in their smile, even when it’s so cute, that’s infatuation. You will have love in their actions when you are down and you need that support to uplift you. You have love when they anger you but a conversation settles it. Love is everything that a good relationship needs to be sustained and finding it in one person you decided was worth keeping. When the ground shakes and you feel like everything is crumbling right before your eyes, butterflies can’t save you but the hand of the one you chose to love can.

Published by: D. Flo'essence