Saturday, January 7, 2012

The Combat Zone: Relationship Stalkers

They won’t let go...they are relationship stalkers.  What is a relationship stalker?  A relationship stalker is a person that cannot let the ideal of being with their ex die.  Yes die!  The relationship is over, it lived and it died!  So why hang on and stalk the life of the person you once claimed to love or the next person that they decided to be with?

I’m sure many people have been caught in the whirlwind of the psycho mind of a relationship stalker.  The person that stares at you whenever they run into you at the supermarket.  The person that calls or texts from unknown numbers throughout the day and night.  The person that stalks all your social network pages from site to site.  The person that...well you know what I mean by now.  It’s an aggravating situation.  More so, it is a very sad thing to watch.

Stalkers often get it in their head that they own the person that they were once with.  However, any sane person would know that you cannot own a person.  People come and go and relationships can survive or fail.  If they fail and you hang on to the point of becoming delusional then you have mental issues.  Those issues are then pressed upon other people as if they were the cause of every problem that occurs.  The feel like they have been wronged in some way and revenge drives them.  There are three specific situations that relationship stalkers often use as justification...ex spouse, children, and first love.

When you say your vows, there is the presumption that it is until death do you part.  Yes, it would be nice if words could bind people forever but as people should know...contracts are broken all the time.  Marriage is a contract based on what people feel at the time.  The unfortunate thing is that, feelings change and marriages end.  It doesn’t matter how long you were married, when it is over, you have to move on.  There is no need to track your ex-spouses where abouts and who they are now with.  The marriage has ended and your contract has been expunged.

Secondly, I don’t know where the idea came from that if you have children together it gives you the right to know and involve yourself with everything that happens in each others life.  A baby connects parents, it by no means connects hearts.  I have heard too many times people upset they are with  the new person involved with their child’s parent.  Why?  The concern is no longer you and them it is solely the children.  Personal business is exactly what it is...personal!  Talk about your kids and get it out of your head that anything other then that is your concern.

Lastly, we all have had first loves.  We feel so giddy as if the winds of love will blow forever.  Well...sometimes it doesn’t.  The first person you give your heart to may not necessarily be the last.  When it ends there will be heartache but it should heal.  Hanging on to a first love with the belief that the other person will never love anyone like they loved you is unhealthy and false.  Love doesn’t confine itself in a time frame.  It moves and fluctuates with life.  A first love will be remembered but that doesn’t mean it is continuous.  

Sadly, for all those being stalked it is easier to define a stalker then it is to get rid of them.  They seem to pop up like weeds.  You think they are gone then you walk out of your door and that weed has grown again.  Restraining orders, blocked numbers, disabling pages, and simply asking them to stop is disregarded.  What a stalker ultimately wants is to ruin the life of the person that they feel ruined their life, even if it means making the life of the person they are with miserable as well.  They are stuck on themselves and the only thing that will really make a difference is their own self-esteem.  


By Debbie Allen-Smith aka D. Flo’essence

*The opinions of this article reflect on the author(s) it was published by & not the "What's The News?" organization as a whole.


  1. Remember that there are certain signs identifying potential stalkers. One of the most obvious and often detrimental is the person who displays an obsessive sense of possession,i.e.,possessiveness. This includes but is not limited to: choosing your clothes (what you can and cannot wear) your friends (who you can and cannot see) needing to know your every appointment (with plans to be there)
    constant interrogation at the slightest deviation from routine based on their own insecurity. If you are involved with someone who displays any or all of these "red flags" then you should seriously check the compass and see just how far off course things are...

  2. Cool! lol I thought you were writing about people who're always jumping into relationships... maybe I'm getting mixed up! I can dig it!

  3. Reece...that is so true! The possessiveness is definitely a sign. But sometimes you just never know until you break up and they seem to hang on for dear life just to ruin your life!

  4. A person jumping into a relationship is not a stalker although you would say that lmao....