The Combat Zone: How Many Times Do We Try?

The Combat Zone: How Many Times Do We Try?

The time has come and gone…so many times that what once warmed us has now left us cold…yet we still let things unfold as if growth is in the numbers of how many times we sold ourselves short.

I believe it’s safe to say that a strong relationship can sustain many things. However, if it is strong then breakup after breakup would never occur. The act of staying together through trials shows more strength then splitting up and coming back together time and time again. Multiple states of separation does not increase connections, it simply halts things for a brief time. When you come back together more time is taken to reconnect than it would have taken to stay together and work things out.

When couples split up numerous times, that shows the flaws in the union and the incapability of working things out as partners. I say this because two should always be greater than one logically. Unfortunately, it is a known fact that relating within the confines of a relationship can sometimes be illogical. Many believe in the fallacy that distance makes the heart grow fonder. In retrospect, distance does nothing but show how well you do individually versus in an emotional partnership. The concentration is put into being single rather than being paired with another. Once focuses shift the strength that was built up begins to dwindle each day the bond remains broken.

The connection that two people share in a relationship is vital, so what happens when the link is weakened repeatedly? There is nothing wrong with one or possibly two trial separations. There is a degree of healing in time apart to think. However, when those times perpetuate in to frequent occurrences it develops into a habit. When difficulties surface the first step becomes breaking up. Using a breakup as a means to handle situations that happen in a relationship doesn’t solve any real issues. It halts the problems but the resolution hangs in the wind and more thought is given to what you can do on your own as opposed to what can be solved in working together.

Once breaking up becomes habitual coming back together is challenging. Most of us have heard the saying “I can do bad all by myself.” This essentially turns out to be a true to life statement. If the relationship is constantly going array, common sense sets in. It’s easy to deal with the problems of one person then two. Surviving the woes of this world individually is demanding in itself and many can’t deal with handling the problems of another on top of that. So why bother becomes a typical thought, making getting back together more difficult each time dissention occurs.

It really is a matter of how much an individual can take. Are you able to survive continuous episodes of make-up and break-up? It may be easier to let it go and move on or some crave the effort of holding on…which
one are you?

By Debbie Allen-Smith

*The opinions of this article reflect on the author(s) it was published by & not the "What's The News?" organization as a whole.

The Combat Zone: I Don't Want To Do This Anymore

They say your heart hurts when the end is near. It pounds so hard that each beat takes a bit of your breath away. Eventually you clutch your heart and the only place to fall is on your knees…thinking maybe a prayer can save you. “Dear God, I can’t do this anymore. Give me the strength to walk away.”

We put a lot of effort into relationships so, when a break-up occurs it is natural to feel exhausted. Breaking up, is not just the division of two people it is the division of emotions. Everything you feel begins to separate.  The division of emotions begins slowly. One day you are secure and the next you feel like something is missing. That loss is felt and worries start to fester.  

The strongest emotion to concur is loss.  As human beings we are habit forming.  We get accustomed to routines easily and when those primary actions are no longer in place it can hit you hard.  It could be as simple as waking up in the morning and reaching for that phone to check for that good morning love text, that’s no longer there.   The wave hits you and shocks you into what seems like endless tears.  Which leads to regret.

Regret is brutal!  There is always the “what ifs” lingering around.  What if you had tried a little harder?  What if you were more patient?  Sadly, for some it even becomes the, what if I changed myself?  Regret is hard to get beyond because questioning things is how we learn to live wisely.  We question our actions to make sure we are making appropriate decisions.  Some may say that questioning a break-up is the worst thing you can do.  I say, question at will.  If we do not take the time to question ourselves we will never get to point where we can honestly look at “what is.”  

For example, if you take the time to question the “what ifs” of patience, you will begin to remember all the incidents where patience may have come into play.  Those incidents at the point of break-up become reality.  They aren’t shadowed by the “love bug” anymore, they are seen as they really are, seen as “what is.”  So, now you are able to accept that patience was not  the cause and that one regret, can be set aside.   

Lastly, and most importantly...past loss and regret eagerly lies healing.  Yes!!!  The healing gets us back to self.  We can begin to think of what we are going to do with ourselves versus what we did when it was an “us.”  Self-reflection begins....and steps move lightly towards being happy while being alone.   We learn to be our own comforter again...our own support and to love self just as much as we loved another.

Throughout everything we must remember that even through all the conversations sought out in loneliness, all the tears and heartache, it’s still hard to walk away. There will be one less plate at the table, an empty spot next to you in the bed and “I love yous” will be resigned to secret whispers to that picture you just can’t throw away. The emotional hurt can become physical. You can’t sleep, your tired, you can’t eat and your head aches from endless thoughts. So, if the time comes for a relationship to end, whether you wanted it or they wanted it, you will need strength. The strength to walk away and rebuild…

By Debbie Allen-Smith Aka D. Flo’essence