The Combat Zone: How Many Times Do We Try?

The Combat Zone: How Many Times Do We Try?

The time has come and gone…so many times that what once warmed us has now left us cold…yet we still let things unfold as if growth is in the numbers of how many times we sold ourselves short.

I believe it’s safe to say that a strong relationship can sustain many things. However, if it is strong then breakup after breakup would never occur. The act of staying together through trials shows more strength then splitting up and coming back together time and time again. Multiple states of separation does not increase connections, it simply halts things for a brief time. When you come back together more time is taken to reconnect than it would have taken to stay together and work things out.

When couples split up numerous times, that shows the flaws in the union and the incapability of working things out as partners. I say this because two should always be greater than one logically. Unfortunately, it is a known fact that relating within the confines of a relationship can sometimes be illogical. Many believe in the fallacy that distance makes the heart grow fonder. In retrospect, distance does nothing but show how well you do individually versus in an emotional partnership. The concentration is put into being single rather than being paired with another. Once focuses shift the strength that was built up begins to dwindle each day the bond remains broken.

The connection that two people share in a relationship is vital, so what happens when the link is weakened repeatedly? There is nothing wrong with one or possibly two trial separations. There is a degree of healing in time apart to think. However, when those times perpetuate in to frequent occurrences it develops into a habit. When difficulties surface the first step becomes breaking up. Using a breakup as a means to handle situations that happen in a relationship doesn’t solve any real issues. It halts the problems but the resolution hangs in the wind and more thought is given to what you can do on your own as opposed to what can be solved in working together.

Once breaking up becomes habitual coming back together is challenging. Most of us have heard the saying “I can do bad all by myself.” This essentially turns out to be a true to life statement. If the relationship is constantly going array, common sense sets in. It’s easy to deal with the problems of one person then two. Surviving the woes of this world individually is demanding in itself and many can’t deal with handling the problems of another on top of that. So why bother becomes a typical thought, making getting back together more difficult each time dissention occurs.

It really is a matter of how much an individual can take. Are you able to survive continuous episodes of make-up and break-up? It may be easier to let it go and move on or some crave the effort of holding on…which
one are you?

By Debbie Allen-Smith

*The opinions of this article reflect on the author(s) it was published by & not the "What's The News?" organization as a whole.

Pick Up Lines: The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

“Hey girl let me get in them jeans.” “If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put u and i together.” These are the lines you commonly hear out here in the dating world. Sometimes they work and sometimes you strike out. I myself have heard some lines that made shake my head and laugh but a few actually have caught my attention. With the pick up line its all about creativity. You just can’t approach someone saying just anything because people these days are sensitive. So let me help you out by breaking it down for you.

The Good: “If beauty were time, you’d be eternity” It let’s her know that you think she is beautiful and that you are not all about getting into her pants. If she blushes carry on a conversation make her feel comfortable. Make her laugh. Just don’t throw away a good line with a crazy line and don’t just come out and ask for her number be a gentleman.

The Bad: “You must be tired because you been running through my mind all night.” This line is wrong for all the wrong reasons. The main one being that its corny as hell. If a girl falls for this line more than likely her self-esteem isn’t high and when you deal with low self esteem chicks they get clingy and you have to feed their ego. Now if you try this line on a girl with high self esteem she is probably going to blow you off because this line is once again corny. Only old dudes in pimp hats or ones who are too lazy to be creative use this. And 9 times out of 10 you are going to get nowhere.

The Ugly: “Great legs. What time do they open?” This line will get you slapped and a drink thrown on you in the club. This is like setting your own death sentence with this line.  No woman will fall for this line unless she’s a hoe and in that case you might want to strap up before you get more than what you were looking for. I’m talking HIV, crabs, and stds. Just leave this line alone if you don’t want your eyes burning from liquor being thrown in your face.

All in all, pick up lines are a little overrated but people still use them so they are not going anywhere anytime soon. I suggest you just be yourself. Be open and honest and that will work. If you wouldn’t say it to your mama then its probably not going to work. Heed this advice. Avoid getting kick in the nuts and a drink to the face.

Published by: Taquila Thompson

The Combat Zone: I Don't Want To Do This Anymore

They say your heart hurts when the end is near. It pounds so hard that each beat takes a bit of your breath away. Eventually you clutch your heart and the only place to fall is on your knees…thinking maybe a prayer can save you. “Dear God, I can’t do this anymore. Give me the strength to walk away.”

We put a lot of effort into relationships so, when a break-up occurs it is natural to feel exhausted. Breaking up, is not just the division of two people it is the division of emotions. Everything you feel begins to separate.  The division of emotions begins slowly. One day you are secure and the next you feel like something is missing. That loss is felt and worries start to fester.  

The strongest emotion to concur is loss.  As human beings we are habit forming.  We get accustomed to routines easily and when those primary actions are no longer in place it can hit you hard.  It could be as simple as waking up in the morning and reaching for that phone to check for that good morning love text, that’s no longer there.   The wave hits you and shocks you into what seems like endless tears.  Which leads to regret.

Regret is brutal!  There is always the “what ifs” lingering around.  What if you had tried a little harder?  What if you were more patient?  Sadly, for some it even becomes the, what if I changed myself?  Regret is hard to get beyond because questioning things is how we learn to live wisely.  We question our actions to make sure we are making appropriate decisions.  Some may say that questioning a break-up is the worst thing you can do.  I say, question at will.  If we do not take the time to question ourselves we will never get to point where we can honestly look at “what is.”  

For example, if you take the time to question the “what ifs” of patience, you will begin to remember all the incidents where patience may have come into play.  Those incidents at the point of break-up become reality.  They aren’t shadowed by the “love bug” anymore, they are seen as they really are, seen as “what is.”  So, now you are able to accept that patience was not  the cause and that one regret, can be set aside.   

Lastly, and most importantly...past loss and regret eagerly lies healing.  Yes!!!  The healing gets us back to self.  We can begin to think of what we are going to do with ourselves versus what we did when it was an “us.”  Self-reflection begins....and steps move lightly towards being happy while being alone.   We learn to be our own comforter again...our own support and to love self just as much as we loved another.

Throughout everything we must remember that even through all the conversations sought out in loneliness, all the tears and heartache, it’s still hard to walk away. There will be one less plate at the table, an empty spot next to you in the bed and “I love yous” will be resigned to secret whispers to that picture you just can’t throw away. The emotional hurt can become physical. You can’t sleep, your tired, you can’t eat and your head aches from endless thoughts. So, if the time comes for a relationship to end, whether you wanted it or they wanted it, you will need strength. The strength to walk away and rebuild…

By Debbie Allen-Smith Aka D. Flo’essence

The Combat Zone: Do You Love Me?

You steady yourself and prepare for impact and the wait has your heart pounding and your eyes wide open. You asked the question and in your mind you have decided that the answer determines the beginning or the end. Do you love me?

Love is a shaky thing. Many claim to have fallen in and out of it often. If it is that easy then why bother with the notion in the first place. Well…as human beings we have the need to justify our feelings and our actions. We don’t want to feel like we are wasting our time and we don’t want to feel silly in the presence of others. If you are investing any kind of efforts into another person you want to know if that other person feels the same. In order to get the real answer you must first understand it’s complexities and believe it or not, that picture is not outlined by the words “I love you.”

People easily fall out of love because they misunderstood what it was to begin with. We don’t really fall in love. Falling suggests that we were unaware. When you trip you don’t know that in advance, if you did you would have sat down not wanting to take the chance in walking. We twisted love into some dolled up mannerisms. Love is not butterflies in your stomach when you see your partner. Love is not wanting to talk to that person for hours on end. It’s not craving their touch or the tickle in your heart when they speak. Those are things associated with infatuation. However, this is where love becomes a possible thought. But if you lose all these things before you get there, you have not fallen out of love you have fallen out of interest and that is why people assume they no longer love each other.

Love is a choice. It is built on more stable things. If you trust the person you are with, then love is possible. If you are stable with each other and by stable I mean you can stand strong even through trials, then love is a possibility. If bad qualities can be overshadowed by the good qualities you see, then love can be a possibility. See, if you are happy with someone and they are providing what a good relationship consists of (communication, respect, and care) then eventually you can decide that this is a person worth the time or efforts because what they are offering is solidity.

You won’t find love in body chills, that’s lust. You won’t find love in their smile, even when it’s so cute, that’s infatuation. You will have love in their actions when you are down and you need that support to uplift you. You have love when they anger you but a conversation settles it. Love is everything that a good relationship needs to be sustained and finding it in one person you decided was worth keeping. When the ground shakes and you feel like everything is crumbling right before your eyes, butterflies can’t save you but the hand of the one you chose to love can.

Published by: D. Flo'essence